Simply ..Kondoing....

8/6/2017

...still. It is taking a lot longer than the six months she suggests.

Marie Kondo encourages you to envisage life after Kondoing, but it's the vision of life after Barry that eludes me really.

But every now and then, like this morning early, I move about the house doing some ordinary thing and finding almost everything in its place and working - there's a pleasure, a fluidity, a calm, a 'this is how it's meant to be' feeling. A sense that my house and garden environment is supporting me rather than that I work to maintain it.

The feeling is fleeting, but it sends me back to her book to help me keep going and to think about and refine the way I see my future..

When it is too wet to garden, as it is today, a few leaves and flowers around the place give me my green 'fix'.

If you are new to my blog, welcome. I should explain that my husband died 15 months ago and that the inspirational book (see posts under Simply Organise) is this one.

Thank you for reading.

19 Comments

Gail

9/6/2017 04:09:10 am

So happy you're abutting the house "supporting" point. Some days grief floods us anew. Hug to you.

Freda

9/6/2017 02:22:52 pm

Some days it does Gail. Thank you for the hug.

cathy

9/6/2017 04:31:47 am

I don't think there's a time line for grief like there is for kondoing. Also sending hugs.

Freda

9/6/2017 02:23:51 pm

It has its own pace it seems - independent of me somehow. Thank you Cathy.

Linda

9/6/2017 04:41:01 am

I really cannot imagine what you have been through. Taking pleasure in small, sweet moments is good though.

Freda

9/6/2017 02:25:12 pm

I do savour them, and it does help ease what at times is a physical pain.

Lotta link

9/6/2017 04:50:48 am

The difficulty with envisaging life is that we can only do it based on what we have already known. There needs to be space too for the unexpected, the unknown, the unimagined. It's hard to trust that joy will emerge from emptiness. I picture all your Kondoing creating the space for a new life to flourish - one that you can't know yet, but is deep within you. Keep following the little sparks of joy Freda, in all aspects of life... they will grow and grow... x

Freda

9/6/2017 02:26:52 pm

At times I trust it and then I get scared! Thank you for your wise and kind words.

Viv link

9/6/2017 07:00:47 am

How you must be missing Barry - I expect usually you can keep busy in your beautiful garden but when it rains and you are inside no doubt the grief and aloneness creeps back in and I imagine it is very unsettling. It is good to hear that all your hardwork in simplifying the house and decluttering is allowing you to feel in a calm organised place and not have to worry about this too much. I am sure your future will enfold in time it will just be different to how you once imagined it would be. Viv x

Freda

9/6/2017 02:30:16 pm

I always imagined we would grow old together, and I never imagined how much I could miss him Viv..Facing the reality is the hard thing. We all face bereavement at some time but rarely talk about it I think. Thank you Viv.

cath

9/6/2017 08:44:09 am

This post touches me deeply. The mixture of sorrow and joy.
Take care dear Freda.

Still Kondoing too.

Freda

9/6/2017 02:31:16 pm

Everything is a mixture dear Cath.

Swissrose link

9/6/2017 11:01:01 am

I think of you frequently, Freda, in all that we do and see, you feel like a friend! The Kondoing sounds as if it is working as it should be 🤗!

Freda

9/6/2017 02:31:55 pm

Thank you my Swiss friend.

Lucille

10/6/2017 01:01:59 am

If you have been in a long term symbiotic relationship it is very hard to imagine the feeling of suddenly being alone and independent I think. To be thrown back on oneself constantly, with no one else to refer to quickly in matters small or large, no matter how many kind and loving friends there are around one - that must take a great deal of adjustment. I don't know that it can be practised ahead of time...but I do think of friends who have relinquished control in important areas of financial admin for example, who admit that they would be completely at sea if suddenly left to deal with things alone, as well as dealing with their grief which doesn't pause. This is just a rather incoherently expressed thought of my own. I don't presume to speak for you or your feelings I know you will understand. Meanwhile anything that lifts the burden of day to day management has to be a good thing if you can find the energy to persevere. Maybe some of Marie Kondo's clients were younger or had less stuff to deal with. Japanese homes are so much smaller than our Western ones.

Freda

10/6/2017 02:35:30 pm

I do understand and really appreciate your comments Lucille. Such an enormous adjustment, and it is in the little things I feel it most. They seem to require so much energy! (Another reason for getting fitter.) I am sure you are right about younger people with a shorter lifetime's collection and smaller homes...persevering though as the results seem so worth it so far. Did you get to the end of 'papers' I wonder.

Lucille

11/6/2017 02:32:47 am

Still at it as we speak. And uncovering some omissions and problems to be tidied up too. Lots of empty hanging files from the filing cabinet though which is good to see. Shocking to see what has been hung on to.. A list of items stolen for the insurance claim decades ago ! Not much joy there.

Nib's End

14/6/2017 10:09:59 am

My husband travels 40-60 percent of the time. It isn't the same as what you are experiencing, not by a long shot, but it has given me an inkling of what it would be like to be a widow should that day come. Sometimes winding the clocks and remembering to take the trash out to the curb seem overwhelming when added to the pile of other things I must do while he is gone. For me, living in an environment that is manageable helps a great deal. It doesn't help the loneliness, but it helps the stress. I feel as though I have been Kondoing my whole life, and the very act of purging and tidying brings me joy.

Freda

18/6/2017 09:32:09 am

My husband worked away quite a lot and I think it strengthened me to know I could, when I had to, cope on my own. Certainly my emphasis now is on making it all manageable - but such hard work I do get overwhelmed......sorry to reply to your comment so late!

Simply ..Kondoing....

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