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Simply..conditioning....

25/5/2019

13 Comments

 
Picture

I was conditioning the lilacs by crushing their stems so that they can take up water - they are from the garden, from a tree which we cut to the ground years ago because it was spindly and sad looking. They are scenting the whole room.

I was thinking too of my childhood conditioning. Buying myself flowers is one of the ways I treat myself well. Growing up in a poor part of a big city I remember that we could not buy the first flowers (daffodils) that came into the local fruit and vegetable shop because they were too expensive. We had to wait until the price went down. It was the same with strawberries. So flowers were an extravagance.

Perhaps an advantage of growing up relatively poor is that you never take the non-essentials for granted. I still get a thrill when I buy flowers and get a huge thrill from growing and picking them. If I buy myself an expensive bunch I almost feel a bit rebellious! Kind of defiant. If I am hesitating over them - and I usually am - I find that asking myself 'Whyever not?' allows me to go ahead, as I have not yet come up with a good reason why I should not have them  I never regret it.....crazy really!

There's a lot going on emotionally in the simple act of buying a bunch of flowers and of treating myself well.

Does something from your childhood stop you from treating yourself well?



13 Comments
Maria
26/5/2019 12:19:13 am

Oh, YES, I understand this so well. Flowers are my treat. I remember when I was working and making a lot of money, my Friday treat was the back seat of my car filled with flowers as I drove home. Such luxury!
Such happiness :)

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Freda
26/5/2019 02:29:44 pm

Maria, that sounds deliciously extravagant! It makes me happy just to think about it.

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cathy
26/5/2019 03:31:02 am

oh my Freda! you are reading my mind! I've been thinking so much lately about how hard it is for me to spend money on things my family would consider 'frivolous.' yes I can afford them. yes they might put a spark in my day/life but its like I can hear my mother saying I need to save my money in case something unexpected comes up...i'll be able to take care of it. that's the way she was raised so she projected that onto me. some things I really struggle with.

the lilacs. I was just in a town where it seems there was a lilac bush in every yard. I spent more time w my nose deep in the flowerets. I do love the smell of lilacs & there aren't many around me.

Reply
Freda
26/5/2019 02:33:27 pm

Someone said 'You are the only thinker in your own head' - get everyone else out of there and do what you want! (Easier said than done I know but maybe you could give it a try?) Love the scent of lillacs - maybe there is a lilac perfume out there...

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Mary
26/5/2019 03:48:47 am

Anything outside of necessities always triggers a feeling that I must think more than twice about the purchase--especially flowers that seem to have such a short shelf life. I will say that where I live the only flower bunches easily available are those in the supermarket and most of them are terribly uninspiring; made up of the same two or three flowers of inharmonious colours. A (seasonal) single bunch of daffodils, tulips or alstromerias is usually the better choice for a splurge.

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Freda
26/5/2019 02:34:53 pm

Mail order florists? I bet there are some fabulous ones...

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Linda
26/5/2019 04:03:56 am

I mentioned on your previous post that my mother had died when I was very young, so I never had that 'girly' aspect. What I didn't say was that by the time I was 8 or 9 my father was also ill with cancer. During the years before he died money was so tight - we relied on the wages of my two older siblings. Not exactly a lighthearted childhood! I don't actually remember a single flower in the house - ever. My sister tells me that when she was younger, we had nice things, and, indeed, the hand-me-downs were of lovely quality! So, I suppose it's more a case of I just don't know how to do it when it comes to treating myself well.

Reply
Julia
26/5/2019 04:57:49 am

My heart goes out to you, Linda. Your childhood was so hard and how to know what to do now? Think of one thing that seemed an impossible treat then, and simply offer it to that child who you were. Maybe a flower, maybe a special treat from the bakery. Maybe a fancy coffee in a small bistro, or a pretty sweater. But offer it to the 9 year old Linda. And do so regularly....giving her now what she might have wanted.

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Freda
26/5/2019 02:39:33 pm

Oh that was hard Linda. I wonder if it was the 'light heart' you missed and need. I wonder if it's possible to practice 'lightheartedness'? As a gift to yourself. And Julia's suggestion is a lovely one.

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Julia
26/5/2019 05:00:44 am

Oh conditioning!!!! For sure....for us, it was do not waste a single crumb or morsel of food, or even a square of aluminum foil or toilet paper. I find it really challenging when guests are here and they are, to my mind, “wasteful”....it actually pains me!
BUT....thank you for the wonderful tip on conditioning lilac stems..i did not know that!

Reply
Freda
26/5/2019 02:43:37 pm

Yes, wasteful was/is a sin!

Reply
Rosemary
26/5/2019 05:29:40 am

We were poor too, eccentric poor with my Dad, at our bedtime in winter, ironing the bottom sheet of each child's bed with a flat iron heated on the gas stove so that we did not freeze to death. I have known him, when the gas ran out, to lie on each bed, ( fully clothed with shoes on ) imparting his own body heat onto the icy sheet. Too few blankets; Mum and Dad nightly arranging saucepans and the frying pan along the downstairs windowsills - the crashing noise as they fell to deter burglars; once, one working electric light in a ramshackle 5 bedroom house. But oh the joy of a new pair of sandals, or the luxury of a new cardigan etc. No flowers ever, few sweets.

Needless to say I have many clothes now and buy flowers, though not big bunches, for myself. Lovely flame-coloured roses from my daughter this w/e. Having nothing much as children makes even small presents to oneself joyous. Good advice from Julia on giving your 9-year old self what it didn't have in childhood. Also my crackers and penurious up-bringing is the source of many a laugh.

Reply
Freda
26/5/2019 02:48:33 pm

Ice on the inside of the windows and a paraffin stove that was a health hazard itself! It's as well to have a sense of humour Rosemary, isn't it. I agree small presents to oneself are joyous

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