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Simply..painting again....

9/9/2019

18 Comments

 

Out of sheer desperation to avoid television I have begun painting again!

I'm only half joking. I have watched more television since Barry died than I watched in the previous 25 years!  We didn't have a television and didn't miss it. (I still don't have one but I do have my laptop and iPlayer.) Of course there are some very good things on television and I don't criticize anyone for watching it, but I always had this uneasy feeling that it was like living at second hand and, for me, just not worth the time it took up out of my life.

A few days ago I spent some time with a friend who is a writer who is not writing and I am a painter who is not painting so we decided to encourage each other by discussing why we are not doing it....and why we had tried and failed to take it up again. It was an interesting and deep conversation. One question we asked was If we were working what would it - our practice - look like? And could we set it up anyway.

I decided it would be part of my every day and that I would work as I had at the beginning of my life as a painter twenty two years ago - at the table, even if that meant clearing it off for every meal.

I feel more like myself already.

I have a lovely memory of Barry leaning against the door of the studio watching me work on a series of collages after a trip to Harris, and when I glanced up enquiringly (because he usually left me alone when I was working) he said with a warm smile 'You really love this don't you?' He supported me in everything I wanted to do. I know that if he exists  in any shape or form he would be smiling at me and supporting me still, and that comforts me and makes me feel peaceful. Peaceful enough to paint again.


Are you a singer who doesn't sing?

A dancer who doesn't dance?

A poet, a baker, a potter, a knitter, a woodworker, a creative of any kind who is not creating?

If you believe your creative self is your true self, and you are not being true to yourself can you ask yourself why? And take a tiny step to set up the situation in which you can be that creative person? Perhaps you need a new mindset or you need some materials - I bought a small set of Designer Gouache paints because I have been thinking for years about playing with the contrast between translucent and opaque watercolours....

Here goes!

Picture
18 Comments
Mary B
9/9/2019 05:20:35 pm

I think it's wonderful that you are painting again Freda and am sure Barry would be proud of you . My creative output, while only minor , is an important part of me but sadly some things are too painful emotionally for me to live that part of my life right now . I am delighted that you have come to a place in your life where you can enjoy your creative talents again and hope that in time I may feel the same way. Looking forward to seeing and hearing about your work. Brave girl!

Reply
Susan (Dorset)
9/9/2019 11:13:12 pm

Sending encouragement for your future, Mary B. Susan.

Reply
Freda
10/9/2019 11:03:02 am

Thank you Mary B and my warm wishes for your own vreative recovery if I may call it that.

Reply
Freda
10/9/2019 02:11:46 pm

Sorry - that should read creative.

Susan (Dorset)
9/9/2019 11:10:43 pm

I am delighted for you.
I like that you've started by 'setting up' and that it's at a familiar and easy place ' the kitchen table': I'll take a leaf out of your book re this approach.
There are many creative things that I think I am, and am not doing, for a variety of reasons: you & your friend's idea of getting to the root of this is very helpful. I'll explore it.
Also, I like it very much when you talk about Barry.

Reply
Freda
10/9/2019 11:05:41 am

Thank you Susan. Barry is also very much part of who I am and I like to be able to talk about him here. I will think and blog a bit more about recovering/rediscovering our creative selves,,,,

Reply
Mary
10/9/2019 02:32:58 am

So very happy for you. x

Reply
Freda
10/9/2019 11:06:11 am

You are kind to tell me that!

Reply
Linda
10/9/2019 05:03:10 am

I'm sure his spirit is looking down on you and encouraging you on. Funnily enough, a few weeks ago I asked my husband whether, if anything happened to him, would he want me to carry on painting. Now, painting makes me happy, and I suppose I was asking for his approval in carrying on doing something that made me happy, even if he was no longer around.
Like Barry, my husband is my number one fan and support, and without missing a beat, he answered "Of course."
It's part of who you are, Freda. He would want you to be you.

Reply
Freda
10/9/2019 11:08:41 am

'He would want you to be you.' I will remember that Linda and thanks for sharing.here. I'm glad to know painting makes you happy!

Reply
Julia
10/9/2019 06:34:48 am

Freda, this is such a poignant post. Perhaps is has taken some courage to lay out your private feelings so publicly, but it seems that that is comforting for other to know when they too are suffering..and my thoughts go to mary b, above.
Well, if i was to say who i am, it might be a long list. Currently i am a knitter who is not knitting, a haiku poet, not haikuing, a yogi not doing enough yoga, and a collage artist, not gluing! At least i am a reader, reading..:-) and a researcher, researching..i’m going with the thought that i am going with the flow and that sometimes there are fallow periods...perhaps all this time has been fallow time for your art, and a new space and new medium are the perfect entrance back! Hopefully, we will be gifted with some photos of the results! And enjoy every moment!

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Freda link
10/9/2019 11:13:37 am

We don;t talk easily about loss in our culture it seems to me. All those talents Julia! But we can only do one thing at a time I guess and 'going with the flow' is a great way to go. The subject of creativity is a fascinating one isn't it!

Reply
Julia
11/9/2019 03:57:15 am

I wouldn’t say all those talents! Hahaha..maybe all those interests. and i’m old enough to have had a lot of interests! Life so full of exciting choices, isn’t it?...:-)

cath
10/9/2019 09:32:23 am

I look at the photograph and imagine you sitting there. In my imagination you light the candle, thus blessing, and stepping into, your sacred space where anything is possible.

Reply
Freda
10/9/2019 11:16:12 am

I light the candle for almost every meal, but not when I am working. I think I might too easily forget it (do you remember the time I set fire to my calendar?) The thing I love about the blank paper or canvas is that anything is possible and that I don't know what I will end up with! Wonderful.

Reply
Susan (Dorset)
10/9/2019 11:39:21 pm

I've heard that many artists fear the blank paper, and yet you are are full of anticipation and excitement at the blank paper's possibilities.

Susan (Dorset)
10/9/2019 11:42:42 pm

PS. There's a radio documentary on Peter Lanyon, that you might enjoy Freda & friends (on BBC Sounds) : 'Lanyon's Last Flight'

Lotta
12/9/2019 02:16:29 am

Go for it Freda! x

Reply



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    An artist seeking a simpler life - (but not too simple!)

    All words and images copyright Freda Waldapfel 2010 - 2020

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