Simply..Rule Two....

9/3/2019

I am reading one chapter a month of Jordan Peterson's best selling book 12 Rules for Life (see previous posts here and here).

Peterson has become a controversial figure but I am ignoring the media hysteria and the political name-calling and focussing only on what he has to say in the book, which intrigues me as his rules are somewhat unusual!

I considered Rule One was a reasonable rule to follow, but what about Rule Two - Treat yourself as you would treat someone you were responsible for helping?

It seems we are likely to look after our pets more carefully than we look after ourselves and Peterson asks why this should be so. Chapter Two is long and interesting, and I read it several times (cutting out the pages to save weight and take them with me to New Zealand). He looks to our conditioning by some of the oldest stories - original sin and other stories from the bible which has after all provided the best known 10 Rules for Life in the Christian world for a very long time - to try to understand why we should feel so unworthy of proper self care, (sinners that we all are!). I am interested too in the way he describes navigating a path between order and chaos in our lives as the way to give them meaning. We value ourselves more if our lives have meaning he says. He also says we each have the spark of the divine in us. 'So, we may not exactly be God, but we're not nothing either' .

I think self-care is often looked on as selfish. I am not talking about pampering and indulgent treats here, I am talking about serious mental and physical health issues (we all know which are ours). I grew up with the idea that truly good people put themselves last, but not to care for ourselves is selfish if it increases the likelihood of others having to look after us - partners, family or the state - a burden I wouldn't want to impose. I may not be able to avoid that, but I am able to reduce the chance of it by taking responsibility for my own health and wellbeing - a lovely project I have decided!

So, yes, I am happy to adopt Rule Two.

The title of Chapter Two Why Don't You Just Take Your Damn Pills made me laugh out loud. The man does I think have a sense of humour.

Do you think this 'rule' is useful guidance on how to live your life?

18 Comments

Gail

10/3/2019 04:00:13 am

I like chapter 2, common sense which I sometimes forgot I need to take care of myself in order to be of use to myself or others. As pastor says, “ you can’t give fully from empty hands”.
I’m starting chapter 3 tonight

Freda

10/3/2019 02:08:01 pm

It is common sense isn't it - but we seem to need reminded!

cathy

10/3/2019 05:27:05 am

i'm not sure just when taking care of ourselves started to take hold, but it certainly makes sense. getting over the selfishness feeling, though, may take some time.

Freda

10/3/2019 02:16:45 pm

It is interesting to think what started our current trend for self-care.

cath

10/3/2019 09:35:56 am

I think this 'rule' is useful guidance, albeit not easy being born a woman, on how to live my life. Easy as it may sound, it involves (a lot of) shedding of old habits, expectations and the work of stepping back and reconsidering choices to make and made.

I'd like either to read more about or reflect a little longer on:
'We value ourselves more if our lives have meaning'.
Seen at the surface it sounds like what we would call: "an open door", selfevident (?), but is it?

Freda

10/3/2019 02:18:42 pm

It's such an interesting topic! Peterson says that meaning is more important than happiness....plenty to ponder on!

cathy

10/3/2019 10:04:28 am

something I was thinking about during church (instead of the sermon)...did we, especially women, always have this tendency to take care of everyone else except ourselves or is this something more recent? there was a time in the not so distant past where it seemed we were trying to see who could do the most for others while totally ignoring ourselves. the 1 upsmanship was going full throttle. was this part of the thinking of the women can have it all & at the same time? have we decided that since so many were getting sick, burned out, depressed that while we can have it all, maybe just not at the same time and so taking care of ourselves is a beginning step to a more balanced life?

Freda

10/3/2019 02:21:51 pm

More questions than answers Cathy? Me too, but I am finding it a fascinationg topic and one I want to know more about and to talk to my friends about too.

Julia

10/3/2019 03:15:00 pm

Huge topic, freda! In fact, i suspect that each of your loyal readers could write an entire post on this from their own experience and “set of glasses”..how we view the world and our lives!
One thing i must comment on: Your bravery, courageousness and common sense in taking the chapter out of the book to lighten your luggage...gosh! Can you remember when defacing a book in any way was a SIN? I like to see my books as mine, to serve me in the best way that they can..:-)
and about self-care...well i come at this from the perspective of the evolution of the human brain. The men evolved to “keep their focus on the prey”..so the family could eat..they are one-pointed (honey, where’s the mustard?)
the females stayed home to give birth to, and guard the next generation, to grow food, harvest, cook, and at the same time look out for marauders... it makes sense that we evolved to put ourselves last...and how to break 25K years of evolution in 40 years? Vigilance, and self-sacrifice for the sake of the future are my middle names!

Freda

11/3/2019 02:49:27 am

I do remember that attitude to books Julia (and am glad I've got over it!) Another interesting thing about Peterson is his appeal to men, particularly young men, who can be very self destructive (higher suicide rates eg). As you so rightly say it's a huge topic. I'll be returning to it as it interests me so much on every level.....

Susan (Dorset)

11/3/2019 12:35:57 am

I found it liberating: your cutting out of your book, the pages that you needed, so they could be of use to you.

On the point of self-care: I experience a societal prejudice about self-care, when someone like me has no offspring or partner, and no geographically close parent, and hence no perceived effort of care of others. I'm given the sense by some, that I have an easeful, obligation-free life, with little recognition that managing all for oneself has its demands, and sometimes met with surprise that I might feel weary and need to self-care or be cared for.

Lotta

11/3/2019 02:31:45 am

I've experienced that too, Susan.

Freda

11/3/2019 02:57:06 am

And it was a hardback Susan - Yikes! I almost expected a bolt of lightning to strike! We all need self care and to be cared for at times no matter what our circumstances - I hope you have some sympathetic people around you too (Chapter three will be inteersting on that score...)

Lucille

11/3/2019 07:30:23 am

Hurray re. cutting up books, you have just offered me the perfect solution on how to cull the cookery books that I no longer want to make room for. Cut out the pages I do use and put them in a folder.
Could your little notebook (it is tiny) be used as an index for other notebooks? Or a quote per page?

Susan (Dorset)

11/3/2019 10:14:21 am

Thank you Lotta & Freda.

Lotta

11/3/2019 02:26:48 am

I think one of the big barriers to self-care is that we see ourselves as a mental image, a confused idea of self, rather than noticing this amazing body we get to live in. But when we realise it's not 'personal', who would not want to care for that? But like Julia says, breaking years of evolution and conditioning is a challenge!
It would be good if self-care was taught in schools. We get taught biology, but not how to look after our mental and physical well-being.

Freda

11/3/2019 02:59:38 am

It seems to be a teach yourself situation - a nice project Lotta? And the subject of a few more posts methinks ....

Julia

11/3/2019 12:31:04 pm

And at the risk of hogging your blog, more thoughts arise....having been taught..like most of us commenting here, that putting myself first was selfish...i have always felt privately insensed by friends who DO regularly put themselves first...esp if they have family...my first thought is: how dare they be so self-centered? They obviously do not care about anyone but themselves! It is so not true. But our early training rings in our ears for life!

Simply..Rule Two....

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