Simply..wise words....

13/7/2020

...about bereavement from Helen Macdonal,. author of H Is For Hawk

She said you don't 'get over it' but 'You slowly become a new person able to hold the grief and love within yourself and continue.'

Some of you will have found as I did that all the time alone during lockdown brought the pain of the loss all back again. I found myself the other day taking out two knives and forks to set the table, and among some papers I was looking through was a card with a beautiful message which Barry had bought to give to me.

You don't get over it, but you do continue..

My heart goes out as I ex[ect yours does, to those who have been bereaved through lockdown and who have to cope alone without the comfort of a funeral and family and friends. So very hard.

10 Comments

Madeleine

13/7/2020 04:39:30 pm

Sending bug hugs across the waters Freda, I have 'done grief' on my own and it was not easy.

I wish you some 3D visitors soon!

Madeleine.X

Freda

14/7/2020 01:55:49 pm

Not easy I am sure. One of the best things will be hugs - thank you for yours Madeleine!

Rosemary

14/7/2020 02:52:38 am

When you have spent nearly a lifetime internalising the person you have daily lived with and done everything with, it is impossible even to want to let them go. But what you say is true, slowly you become a new person, while still carrying your partner within you. I have read that a widow must make the home her own. I am doing that in slow stages. On Saturday my daughter ( who I saw for the first time in over 4 months) came with me to buy a lovely new sofa and chair; these, and other smaller buys, are gradual ways of making myself solid in my new state. I don't like it, but on the other hand, I am gratified that I am surviving. Reading your posts over the last two plus years has been such a help and such a bonus. xx

Freda

14/7/2020 02:02:34 pm

So wonderful to see our children aain! I can see why some people want to move from the house they have shared with a partner, though I don't intend to do so. But when you are surrounded by everything you have created together....it's a slow transition and choosing some new firniture sounds like a very positive move Rosemary. xx

Gwendoline

14/7/2020 05:06:38 am

My Aunt, who is, sadly, currently very unwell, once said to me "It may not be what you want but there is still enjoyment to be had.". She was offering me comfort after a long relationship of mine had dissolved and was specifically referring to how she had managed after the death of her husband of over 50 years. To me that was hugely helpful; the juxtaposition that it is NOT what you want but there will still be good things. She was, and is, right. She also never said it was easy. Hugs to us all. Gx

Freda

14/7/2020 02:06:34 pm

We don;t always have choices other than to choose how to react to the hard things. What a wise Aunt, and a hard time to be unwell.

Mary

14/7/2020 04:20:27 pm

The yearning for Barry's presence during this strange and unnerving period must be excruciating at times. But the love continues. xo

Freda

15/7/2020 12:01:18 am

And the card though it brought tears also brought comfort.

Elizabeth Gilbey

18/7/2020 01:36:59 am

What wise words in H for Hawk. you learn a lot abut bereavement as you go through it, and none of the awareness of it comes through books!. I remember shortly after I lost my own husband suddenly after 42 years, there was a bereaved gentleman being interviewed on TV who explained the thing he missed most was having someone to do nothing with, which hit the nail on the head. The smallest thing, like setting the table for two, are the sharpest. My own offering - admiring a shirt in a supermarket that would have suited my husband perfectly if he had been here to receive it as a birthday present. Grief catches you when your guard is down. But on we go.....

Freda

20/7/2020 12:49:49 am

Hello Elizabeth
I am sorry to hear about your husband’s passing. I do understand how the habit of looking out for things he would like doesn’t just go away and pulls you up with a shock time and time again. As. You say though on we go...with as much grace as we can muster. Thanks for commenting.

Simply..wise words....

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