Simply..in shock?

24/4/2020

The death of a friend while I was travelling home from Venice, being unable to attend her funeral, and spending a birthday alone have added a touch of loneliness to the mix of difficult emotions.

I wonder if many of us are actually in shock? The classic British treatment for shock is a cup of hot sweet tea.

My birthday breakfast was some chocolates with tea in a favourite mug.

Thanks to all of you who have shared your thoughts and feelings here. As you might imagine your comments are more welcome than ever!

Join me in a mug of tea while considering how to manage the difficult feelings and where to go from here.....

25 Comments

Viv link

24/4/2020 03:48:59 pm

Happy Birthday Freda - sorry you have had to spend it alone. I am not sure how you manage all the feelings that surface at the moment, other than to know we will all come out of this - it will change us all in many ways - but I try and find some normality and stability at the moment from just being out in the garden - the weather is pretty good now for us to enjoy and the plants are growing like they always have done at this time of year. Having a cup of tea, listening to music and reading a book or magazine are also good ways to bring about a sense of normality too - at least they have not been taken away from us. Stay safe and well.x

Freda

25/4/2020 12:47:29 pm

Your own blog is an inspiration on how to stay positive and creative Viv.! I am enjoying the great weather and growing some things from seed. Thanks for your encouraging words. x

Lotta

25/4/2020 01:52:05 am

Do you feel in shock Freda?
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Maybe there could be a memorial service for her when people can gather again? Informal individual ceremonies can be quite powerful too to say goodbye.
And thinking about occasions, I remember in the past you have emulated the queen and had two birthdays... perhaps you could do the same again this year? :-)

Freda

25/4/2020 12:50:55 pm

I think I have felt in shock Lotta. All the usual strategies for staying posiitve just aren't working....funny I used the phrase but didn't apply it directly to me. Thank you for that question..

Sheena

25/4/2020 03:27:22 am

Do allow yourself a happy birthday, Freda, and know that all of us who read your blog are sending you much love on your birthday. It was my birthday earlier in the month and it did feel a strange day despite all the good wishes and cards. Perhaps your low mood is a reaction to your recent experiences. You stayed so positive through what must have become a very worrying stay in Venice but now you are home, you are more relaxed and somehow our minds and bodies go into freefall once an immediate crisis seems to be past. As Julia says maybe time to let yourself just be. Hope my comments are not too intrusive . Enjoy your day.

Penny L

25/4/2020 07:24:02 am

You put this so well, Sheena.
I’m sure that keeping positive through all your experiences in the last couple of months must elicit a response now you are safely home, Freda. I do hope ,though, that you are able to enjoy being back for your birthday, and agree that a second birthday when we are free to see family again is the way forward!

Freda

25/4/2020 12:55:59 pm

There will be a second birthday, and a memorial service for my friend Anna...at some point! Thank you PeenyL

Freda

25/4/2020 12:54:05 pm

Not at all intrusive Sheena. I am touched by your thoughtful (and accurate I think) response. Thank you so much.

julia

25/4/2020 05:24:41 am

Freda, my heart goes out to you for the loss of your friend, and to be alone, and not able to share your grief, or be comforted adds to the “forlorn-ness” that you are expressing..and then a lonely birthday also. I hope you were able to at least have virtual calls through zoom, or facetime with loved ones on your birthday...i had my birthday this past week also, in a way, it is certainly an opportunity to reflect on “the all of it”, isn’t it? I had a neighbor who used to say: when in doubt, make soup!
She was elderly and lived alone, and came home at midnight from an overseas trip to find that her kitchen had flooded while she was gone..a pipe had broken..plus she could not get her back zipper on her dress down..so she was stuck in her dress over night!...so she just made soup and decided to solve everything the next day..long winded, but i thought maybe it might give you a smile..xoxox

Freda

25/4/2020 12:58:22 pm

It did make me smile Julia and 'forlorn' is such a good word for how I have been feeling. But I will make soup :-)

Lucille link

25/4/2020 05:28:42 am

Another April child wishes you some happy moments today Freda.
I had a sudden thought about the reaction that sets in after extreme worry and that is sometimes anger. For example when a child disappears from your view in a public place and then reappears. Could that be part of the mix? Of course there is no animate object to be angry with so we must look to our own personal philosophies to account for the situation we are in. We don’t have the usual experiences to draw on or people to blame so it is small wonder that our feelings rotate through gratitude to resentment to confusion to fear to denial and round again.

Freda

25/4/2020 01:01:59 pm

I did have some happy moments Lucille thank you, but it is a bit of a rollercoaster through all thee motions isn't it? It can leave you drained.

Mary

25/4/2020 05:57:11 am

I know there are no words that will help with your (our) collective unease. Know that your community is lifting you up even as we all find our own way through these strange times. Definitely give yourself permission to just BE.

May I also suggest listening to Brene Brown's podcast - Unlocking Us. This podcast is relatively new, but she is a well-known social work researcher (many books), has some good insights and an easy manner. NYTimes had an article on her this morning, too.

Freda

25/4/2020 01:04:49 pm

Thank you so much Mary. I have listened to some Brene Brown Ted Talks and enjoyed them and will definitely look up this one.

Rosemary

25/4/2020 06:05:26 am

Well done for getting out in the sun, having a pretty mug and enjoying your chocolates. I am having coffee from my favourite Kew Gardens mug. Keep toughing it out and know that we are all wishing you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FREDA !

Freda

25/4/2020 01:09:04 pm

Do you know I love that expression 'toughing it out' Rosemary. It is tough! My husband liked the phrase When the going gets tough, the tough get going. I will, but maybe not today...

Lucille

25/4/2020 06:59:41 am

Also would you like to watch Five Seasons:The Gardens of Piet Oudolf screening free on www.hauserwirth.com this weekend.
We went to see it at the cinema and the sound quality was terrible so we will watch again and enjoy it more from the comfort of home.

Freda

25/4/2020 01:10:16 pm

I do like the sound of that Lucille. Thank you.

Grace

26/4/2020 01:50:07 pm

Thank you for that link Lucille. It was just lovely …

cath van der linden

25/4/2020 08:32:11 am

As my own words seem inadequate today I offer you these:
"We are remade in times of grief, broken apart and reassembled. It is hard, painful and unbidden work. No one goes in search of loss; rather it finds us and reminds us of the temporary gift we have been given, these few sweet breaths we call life." writes Francis Weller and I find solace in his words all over again in these difficult times.
take care Freda.

Freda

25/4/2020 01:15:31 pm

Oh, that's beautiful Cath. Thank you.
I am reminded of Steven Vardi in his Venezia blog describimg the days in Venice when the tourists had gone but before the lockdown as 'those strange, sweet days'. They were.

Sheryl

25/4/2020 12:01:31 pm

Hi Freida,
My heart goes out to you at the loss of your friend and not being able to attend her funeral. Please know that there are many of us out here who read your post so you are not alone. I love reading your post. I have anlso been having feelings of sadness and grief. I am one the many who are working during this pandemic. I am not on the front-line, but I support those that are. The decisions being made to try to keep people safe are tough and not everyone understands the rational of the decisions. We can remember that all people deserve to be a safe as possible and kept free from harm, including the CORONA virus.

I hope you have a wonderfull birthday and enjoyed your tea and chocolates.
with love -Sheryl

Freda

25/4/2020 01:21:28 pm

Sheryl how lovely of you to comment. Most of us can only imagine what it must be like working to care for people in these circumstances. I wish you courage and strength to do the good work you do and thank you for taking the time to wish me a happy birthday. I did enjoy the tea cnd chocolates! x

Gillie

25/4/2020 03:16:34 pm

Just got in on time to wish you a Happy birthday. As with other commentators recently, I don’t post often but do read often ..... I can assure you that you aren’t alone in feeling some guilt at having pleasant times nowadays. Everyone I speak to is saying the same thing. I hope you’ve been able to enjoy a happy birthday.

Freda

25/4/2020 11:26:36 pm

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here Gillie and I did have some nice birthday moments, not least the messages here!

Simply..in shock?

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