I had a gorgeous visit today to Glenarn Garden -the first time I have been. The drive via the Rest and Be Thankful pass and Loch Lomond was spectacular in the sunshine - snow on the tops and blue skies. After an excellent guided walk by Mike Thornley we took a look at The Scottish Rhodedendron Society Show . The Thornleys had won several prizes, and deservedly.

I shall let the photographs say the rest, and recommend you visit if you get the chance.

(I have regretfully opted out of Open Gardens this year, as I cannot imagine that I could do it without Barry. Not only did he do most of the work but he also loved to talk to the visitors most!)

..and a birthday postponed.

Snow on the tops..

Primroses at the bottom, with celandine, wild garlic and pignut.

And the birthday? I just did not feel like partying, so I took the liberty of postponing it till Midsummer when we will have a family party on the beach.

Mixed up seasons and celebrations!

I found this book by Michael Rosen to be an unflinching portrayal of the reality of loss and grief, the drawings by Quentin Blake as poignant and expressive as Rosen's simple words.

Meanwhile it snowed here for an hour or two this morning! I don't know which was more mesmerizing -  the snowflakes, or the pages of Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay by Elena Ferrante, the third of the four Neapolitan Novels which are a compelling read.

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I have loved being a wife, a mother, a teacher, and often say my most precious possession is my own front door key, but I've been remembering the spaces in between when I enjoyed being on my own.

Playing truant from school! Going to Art School. Going on courses. Taking a day into the city on my own. Going back to university as a mature student. I loved it!  Artist in residence at Caol Rhuad.

There are some light hearted prompts in Julia Cameron's book The Artist's Way especially in the chapter Recovering A Sense Of Power. For example she asks you to complete 20 sentences such as I don't do it much but I enjoy.... and My favourite childhood toy was....I worked through this book with a friend many years ago and we got a lot from it. Artist Dates are something I will take up again.

Christina Rasmussen in Second Firsts also suggests ways of looking back in order to look forward and suggests you get to know your Survivor, Watcher and Thriver. Especially the Thriver.

Interesting and useful, as are many of your suggestions recently. And keeps my mind occupied while I mow the lawn, fix the lock, barrow stuff to the bonfire and wire up the greenhouse door against that strong north wind which they say will bring us snow tomorrow....

Thank you!

.... about times before I had responsibilities. About before I was a wife, a mother, a teacher. Before house, car, garden, goods and chattels....

Who was I?

What did I like?

What were my dreams?

And times when I have been alone, and been happy.

What was I doing?

Lots of questions!

Not so many answers - yet.

..by the many women I know and read about who live fulfilling and interesting lives and live alone.

I have decided to live not so much by myself, or for myself, but as myself....

'That is very profound.' said Frances.

I thought so too when I came up with it!

Excuse me while I take a few days to figure out exactly what I mean....
 

Have a good weekend.

Three days of cloudless blue sky and warmth! Bliss!

My favourite job was cutting back the dead stems on the golden marjoram (origanum vulgare aureum). The smell so summery. I also cut some grass, raked gravel, cleared moss, cleaned out the greenhouse, sowed some seeds, potted on giant sunflowers, planted out nemophila Baby Blue Eyes,  and found someone who actually wants all the spare bits of wood, bricks, tarpaulins, rusty workbench, old barbecue, bundles of canes and other assorted clutter from the back of the shed.

Yay! A good day's work.

Time for another hot soak..

 
I have just given up, in a bad temper, half way through an online shopping transaction!

I would like to pay my money and have the product.

Simple?

NO! I have to register, create a password, enter a code, join a club to 'feel rewarded and feel involved' (?) sign up for emails, and points on future purchases which I have no intention of making, accept a free gift I don't particularly want and give my grandmother's uncle's middle name....

Forget it Body Shop.

Grrrrr.

A little sunshine and warmth are so restorative, don't you think?

I had a beautiful and hard day's gardening. So satisfying.

Spotted the first cuckoo flower - favourite (perhaps only?)  food of the orange tip butterfly. I gathered from around the garden several pots in flower and put them together on the table..

I made up an order from the Sarah Raven catalogue, and potted up the little viola labradorica which had seeded itself under the table.

Ready for a hot soak now.

I did enjoy the comments and interesting links about your first sightings of harbingers of spring yesterday. It is a good time of year. I hope you got some sunshine. Our forecast is good for tomorrow too....

And looking and listening out for the first swallow, the first cuckoo and the first orange tip butterfly.

Have you spotted any firsts?

The forecast is for snow here tonight.

I love the way the tulips pick up the colour in my friend Caroline's wonderful painting. You can see more of her fabulous work here and in a solo show in Walker Galleries Harrogate from 16th to 23rd April

Boats Uig Bay  (sorry about the reflections in the glass - will try again!)

I've been called grasshopper brain, but it seems I have now physically turned into a grasshopper too. Lynne pointed out recently that I am constantly jumping up and down doing something or other so I thought I needed to put that to good use. (I realized when she said this that I am anxious about keeping up with everything. Barry did way way more than 50% of things around here!).

So yesterday and today I spent 10 minutes on 11 or 12 different things - 10 minutes on the sitting room, 10 minutes on clothes, 10 minutes in the greenhouse, 10 minutes on clearing the shed, 10 minutes on outdoor chores, 10 minutes filing etc etc.

I used a timer ( ! ) and stopped when it buzzed.

So at least I jumped around to some effect and got something done on all fronts.

Good exercise too...


What kind of creature would your friends call you?

(Not your enemies, your friends.)

...kitchen :-)

I am making a note to plant more daffodils. Once they are planted they really are a no-maintenance plant and I simply love being able to pick jugfuls without leaving the garden bare. These include Thalia and Jenny which are both particularly fluttery with their reflexed petals.

I love this post over at Cornflower. Especially the poem After The Rain by P K Page (new to me) in which she gently mocks herself 'none too sober' for the richness and complexity of the language she uses to encrust every raindrop. Here is the web on the clothesline -

                now sagged with sequins, pulled ellipsoid, glistening

And this -

                Giovanni in soggy denim....so beautiful and diademed.

I keep going back to read it again. It made me feel that rain deserves this kind of close attention!

I am pondering Cristiana's interesting post (here).

I think all bloggers probably ask themselves at times Why Blog?

One of the things that keeps me web-logging is that I know I am in touch with like minds.  Many people may read the blog, but like minds tend to stay. I am not interested in how many - I would still do it if there was only one! (I would maybe still do it if it was only me!) And I don't mind how many or few comments. I do like, when I can, to reply to them all so a big increase would be a problem. The comments, thoughtful, often insightful and always kind have helped me grow and learn.

At its best It's a two-way process, an exchange, a conversation.

The blog is where I process my thoughts about living simply. I do of course do this in my head, and could do it on paper, but I enjoy the discipline of having to think more clearly - of trying to distill my thoughts into a readable form and out of respect for my readers, hopefully an interesting/entertaining form. It's about communication ultimately.

As with my painting, I do it to express and to share my joys and sorrows and responses to the complex, difficult, miraculous and mysterious world we live in.

Also, it's fun!

Thank you so much for reading.

Sunshine, snow and birdsong. Beautiful.

I've always been a night-owl, but lately have been waking early and seeing for the first time how the morning light strikes things around here....a new dawning?

It is so different.

Have you tried this?

Or experiencing late night if you are a lark?

...time to say thank you from my heart

To all the dedicated professional and caring staff at the hospital and the hospice who looked after Barry
for every card, email, letter, phone call and comment on the blog
for the hot meals on the doorstep when I got home at night
for the flowers - freesias, scented narcissus and hyacinths, gerberas, daffodils, fritillaries, tulips, cineraria, iris, chrysanthemums, sunflowers, lilies and protea
for the poems
for the helpful links on blogs and websites
for the baking
for the healing oil
for the donations to the hospice
to Carolyn for the beautiful service
to the funeral directors and the manager of the restaurant who made the day easier
for the offers of help
for the plants, and the memorial tree in the Yorkshire Dales
for the tribute from York Civic Trust
for the countless acts of kindness and love we experienced from family, friends, neighbours and from people I have never met

Thank you.

I am so touched by all the goodwill that surrounds me and am reminded that even in an age of frightening news, everyday goodness is still all around every day, hour and minute.

Well, everyone has an off day now and then. Even Eileen, one of the best bakers in the village, known for her featherlight fairy cakes. Pity they were for an event at the village hall tomorrow!
But Eileen is also known for her sense of humour - she plans to hang it on the wall (it is rock hard!) and call it an installation. She will find a way to include it in the fundraising I am sure.

Title anyone?

..(supermarket) tulips and thank you Liz for this link. Love it, and hope it never rusts..

Among the books and websites I've been looking at on the subject of grief, I came across this phrase which resonated with me more than anything else I read.

                             You have to choreograph your own grief.

(I hope I am correct in attributing it to Christina Rasmussen in her book Second Firsts.)

Choreographing I thought, means being creative, being in charge and making decisions, practicing new things - things original and/or unique, and even dancing a little? Just the possibility is nice to think about.

It's tough just now and posts may continue to be erratic while I learn some new steps....