Julia's comment yesterday reminded me of this -
Customer services: 'We are currently experiencing a high level of calls....'
The music they played while I waited the other morning was so jazzy I decided to exercise while I waited and jumped around the sitting room changing the phone from one ear to the other for the sake of symmetry - I got a full 10 minute workout before someone took my call.
It reminded that I have come some way since this post when my feet, to my disbelief and dismay, simply refused to leave the floor.
Choreographing my grief since my husband's death has been the hardest thing I have ever done, and is still too raw to write much about, but I have found that when I let it (the grief) choreograph me, I sometimes make more progress.
By that I mean that there is a to and fro thing going on and it helps if I am aware of when to make decisions and push myself a bit, and when to just be with it, to accept the pain of it. I tend to the former being a pro-active kind of person and basically an optimist, but the phrase 'don't push the river, it flows by itself' has come into my head at times....when I just have to accept that there is no way out but through.
The bottom line is I miss him terribly, and such loss as many of you will know has to be, as someone wise said, not so much accepted as accomodated and adapted to. The 'new reality' the kind funeral director called it.
Meantime I am trying not to put my life on hold....