Simply..Rule Six....

29/6/2019

..of Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules For Life is

Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.

The reason being that other people will also dislike them and their life will be harder because of it.

The vital process of socialization prevents much harm and fosters much good.

Poorly socialized children have terrible lives.

As a clinical psychologist Peterson has seen the sometimes heartbreaking effects of poor parenting and says that children are damaged when those charged with their care , afraid of any conflict or upset, no longer dare to correct them and leave them without guidance.....such children are chronically ignored by their peers.

From Rousseau to Skinner, Jane Goodall, Disney's Sleeping Beauty and Lord of the Flies, Peterson covers a lot of ground and stresses just how difficult and challenging a task parenting is. I like the final paragraph of this chapter where he describes a well socialized and thriving child. There are no greater gifts that a committed and courageous parent can bestow.

As ever, thought provoking!

5 Comments

Viv link

30/6/2019 02:30:52 am

Don't get me started on this topic. I dealt with childcare cases throughout my career in Legal Aid at the solicitors were I worked. As I left we were dealing with the children and even grandchildren of children that we had represented whilst being removed into care at the start of my career 20 years previous. It is an ongoing cycle once it starts and the case files were heartbreaking. Often some mums had as many as 8 children taken off them at once (many had a different father each) and then they go straight out and get pregnant and wonder why the new baby is taken off them at birth.
One client could not understand why dressing up in a fairy costume for her court appearance was not going to impress the judge and get her children back! I could give many other examples but for privacy obviously cannot.
The main problem it seemed in all the cases was a basic lack of knowledge and parenting skills - these are not taught in schools and often do not come naturally. These parents could not look after themselves let alone a child. A lot of these misguided parents do not see anything wrong in feeding their kids sweets for breakfast and chips for tea, letting them run riot and being out at night until late when quite young, leaving them home alone whilst they go out or unattended whilst they are drunk or on drugs, not getting them to school and letting them live in dirt and squalor.
Equally many parents not on this extreme end of the scale fail to understand these days that children need parents and guidance and prefer to be seen as the child's friend, a child has friends at school etc it is parents they need who set boundaries - being a friend comes later as a child matures.
Every council is crying out now for foster carers and adopters - millions of pounds are spent every year with expensive Legal Aid costs, social worker costs and foster care costs.
Education is usually the way to remedy a lot of things - but the government need to take action soon and provide life skills in schools because they are not always getting them at home. Parenting is the hardest job you will ever do but we are often ill-equipped to cope.
Both my daughter's have had babies recently but they are sent out of hospital so quickly they are not shown how to bath the baby, how to overcome any feeding problems and are still a bit in shock after only a 24 hour stay. My daughter and her new baby suffered in the first few weeks because of poor information and guidance - a lot of new mums say they wanted to stay in hospital longer and were pushed out to soon because of bed shortages.
It gives me great pleasure, as you can imagine after many years of seeing disturbed children in care cases, to know that my own grandchildren are well cared for and well adjusted - but both daughters are working hard at parenting.

Rosemary

30/6/2019 05:23:21 am

I'm glad you did get started on this, Viv, because I agree with everything you say. Education for extreme cases, but in less extreme ones, parents while being loving and caring, are not friends. Be a parent, and kindly, but firmly teach a child what the word,' No', means - not sometimes 'Yes', if you play up and whine enough !

Freda

30/6/2019 02:15:22 pm

This parent/friend distinction is so important isn't it, as is saying what you mean and meaning what you say!

Freda

30/6/2019 02:13:54 pm

Education and early support, like Sure Start here in uk, must surely continue to be funded, and expanded. I wonder if the more than 3 million copies of Peterson's book will have a beneficial effect - he appears to be reaching huge audiences of young people in his talks.
One of the greatest joys is seeing your own children become good parents isn't it Viv. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

Julia

30/6/2019 04:33:59 pm

I got behind, Freda and all..but honestly...is there any more important job on the planet than being a good, moral and courageous parent?? The world’s future depends on them! And i think your post on this is simply incredible, Freda...also the heartfelt comments by Viv and Rosemary.

Simply..Rule Six....

Leave a Reply.

Categories

Author

Archives