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Simply..sharing....

25/4/2020

13 Comments

 
..is so helpful!
Picture
I adore this card from my sister.

I hesitated to write about my difficult feelings in the last few posts.  Like most people perhaps, I am trying to put a brave face on things,  acknowledge that I am one of the lucky ones, accept that these are unprecedented times and so on and so forth, but.....denying one's true feelings can lead to depression I think, and I know others must be feeling similarly about the loss of freedom and real contact with those they love.

My friend Anna's beautiful funeral service was videod by her family (several of whom are in lockdown in other countries) and sent out to her many friends. I watched it today with tears streaming down my face, grateful for the technology which made it possible and for the skill with which it was done.

I washed my hair (third home haircut now) and changed out of my gardening clothes for my birthday video call with the family.  I put on a bright shirt and a necklace, and felt better for it.

I cooked myself Risotto di asparagi e scampi - not as good as Heather's but good all the same.

Am spending the evening answering all your kind and interesting comments. My heart is full.




13 Comments
Viv link
25/4/2020 03:34:47 pm

I love that card too. I am so sorry about your friend - these are difficult times and our sorrow for all those we knew and the life we once knew is sometimes overwhelming. I know I would find it much harder to bear without DH by my side and I know how much you must be missing Barry to share your feelings with. You are in our thoughts Freda. Take care x

Reply
Freda
26/4/2020 02:51:32 pm

Thank you for your kind thoughts. I do find myself envying couples...xx.

Reply
julia
25/4/2020 04:41:02 pm

Sharing...for sure!! Thank heavens for our women friends! we share our feelings..and we find out that we are not alone..and that others reach out with love...and we bounce our thoughts off each other, and refine what we mean, and what we are actually thinking and feeling..this is soul work!...ok.. i am going to ask a hard question here...is it ok to be one of the lucky ones? Life just is...it unfolds in such unexpected ways for every one of us..and none of us gets away with no hardship or pain..but when we are ok, that is ok too!
Confession: i have learned that staying home is easier for me..when i go out to the shops, and wear my mask and have to do handstands and headstands and wash everything and worry about what i touched..i come home very distressed about how our world has changed. It’s easier to stay home...i am not happy when i see my larger world. My house and garden are the same..i need that right now..it’s ok to feel fragile. We are!

Reply
julia
25/4/2020 04:41:51 pm

I sent that before i realized that: yes, we are fragile..but we are also resilient! Xoxoox

Reply
Freda
26/4/2020 02:56:33 pm

It is amazing how resilient we are. Thank goodness.

Freda
26/4/2020 02:55:50 pm

There is such wisdom here Julia - I love your description of friendship - I feel that is what happens here and that is wonderful! And that its ok to be ok, and to be fragile.

Reply
Swissrose
26/4/2020 01:24:33 am

A belated birthday wish for a year of strength and resilience but also the honesty to honour your inner feelings of grief, loss and sadness. These are trying times and it can be a struggle to know when to wallow and when to pull up that brave face... it's that Desiderat prayer again... Kindest greetings, Melanie

Reply
Freda
26/4/2020 02:58:46 pm

Stronger is my word for this year! What doesn't kill you they say! Thanks for commenting Melanie and for the birthday wishes. Be well.

Reply
Grace
26/4/2020 05:56:05 am

This has brought something back to me. When I was recovering from serious illness just over 10 years ago, the consultant asked me how I felt about what I had gone through. I said that there were people a lot worse off than me and that I considered myself lucky in comparison. I remember her replying that it was ok to feel anger, self-pity ... and that it was important to acknowledge my true emotions without feeling guilty about them or trying to bottle them up or suppress them. Take good care, Freda. X

Reply
Freda
26/4/2020 03:02:16 pm

What good advice Grace. It is good to be reminded,( and surprising how easily we can forget). Thanks for sharing it.

Reply
cathy
26/4/2020 01:33:33 pm

my first thought was that the picture was a painting you'd done. i like it!

I also lost a vey dear friend & we've yet been able to have her funeral. there was a grave-side service that only immediate family could attend. it's so hard - not being able to be w her or even see her at the end. who knows when we'll be allowed to have her memorial service. i find myself in tears at times throughout the day w/o knowing what caused them. but i have gotten out of my pajamas.

Reply
Freda
26/4/2020 03:06:50 pm

Cathy I am so sorry to hear that. It makes you aware how very important these rituals are for those who are left behind. Sharing thoughts and memories with each other is so healing and like you I await a memorial service some time in the future. You got out of your pyjamas and I got out of my gardening clothes - we are making progress! Take care x

Reply
julia
26/4/2020 03:13:42 pm

Cathy and Freda...what came to mind when i read your comments was a ritual that my grandmother had on anniversary’s of a death...this could be modified...and might be comforting.
My grandmother would set a place at the table for the departed one...and there would be the acknowledgement of their being gone...but also their living on, in our hearts and our memories...all the ways they had planted seeds in our lives...still to grow there.




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