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Simply..something personal....

17/3/2018

14 Comments

 


We (my daughters and I) were lucky to know a wonderful inter faith celebrant who helped us create a funeral service which was right for us.  Neither Barry or I were religious, but we chose to have a well known hymn for two reasons. Firstly because I felt that singing together would make the people attending the funeral feel that they were taking part and not just observers, and secondly we have great regard for the beauty and traditional music of Christianity and knew that many people attending might be practicing Christians. We had some of Barry's favourite poetry and music and a eulogy, which provoked both laughter and tears, was beautifully read by my son-in-law. We had radiant sunflowers on the coffin.

At the buffet meal afterwards we arranged that there were tables for only about half of the people expected. This meant that people  moved about freely and talked to each other and indeed they did and the noise level was wonderful!

Many people commented on how beautiful the service was. (The restaurant told us later it was one of the nicest funerals they had ever had there, and a friend who had met up there with many other friends said she felt guilty because she had enjoyed it.)

I want to thank everyone who helped make it not a happy memory, but a good one, and encourage everyone to have that conversation....it's not morbid, it's important!

We will all have one. A funeral that is.

On a more practical note a cremation and a simple funeral here in UK costs around £4000.

It's as well to know...

Picture

This crow sits in my tree every early evening.

I think of it as a sentinel and like it's presence.
14 Comments
Mary
18/3/2018 04:03:02 am

I am so glad that you were able to have the kind of service for Barry that comforted you and the family.

I recently attended the funeral of a friend's father who was Catholic. There was, of course, a funeral mass, but sadly, the family was given only 5 minutes at the end of it to eulogize their father. My friend made a point of telling us this at the beginning of his brief tribute to his father--who had been an amazing scientist--as he looked (disgustedly) back at the priest sitting in his chair. The family was not comforted at all, in fact, they were very angry. It made a sad occasion even more difficult.

Reply
Freda
18/3/2018 02:46:22 pm

This story makes me aware of how important funerals are Mary,

Reply
Julia
18/3/2018 04:04:09 am

Freda...your description of Barry’s service wqs lovely to read and it sounds like it was very very helpful to everyone who loved him, and miss him. Your words are so wise....you are right. It is not morbid to talk about death. We will all have ours! One of the best books we ever read for our book club was called: knowing i will die, how, therefore, shall i live? It provoked so much discussion and reflection for all of us. On another note entirely...your “sentinel” might be the most stunning photo you have ever posted. I can see it in a very minimalist room, on a narrow gray or taupe wall; or at the end of a hall, with good light on it.

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Freda
18/3/2018 02:49:28 pm

I am so glad you like the photograph Julia (apart from the black speck in the middle I'm very pleased with it - but since the bird is there every day I should get another try at it). I've not been able to trace your interesting book so far.

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Lotta link
18/3/2018 02:59:14 pm

Freda, I could easily remove the black speck for you if you'd like me to...

Freda
18/3/2018 03:10:37 pm

To Lotta - thank you for prompting me to look at how to do this! I did it! I had no idea it was so easy....

Lotta
18/3/2018 03:20:03 pm

Yay!

Julia
18/3/2018 04:54:21 pm

Put it down to age, and the fact that i read it in 1999!...here is a link to the real book, Freda..and all...sorry to cause confusion....:-)

https://www.amazon.com/How-Then-Shall-Live-Questions/dp/0553375059

Grace
18/3/2018 04:36:35 am

A funeral should always be an occasion to celebrate a loved-one's life. It's so nice that you, your family and friends were able to give Barry such a beautiful parting gift.
Sadly, my mum's funeral turned out to be a very impersonal affair. She hadn't left any instructions, apart from the fact that she wanted to be cremated. My dad, on the other hand, donated his body to Glasgow University for medical research. Consequently, there was no funeral, but that allowed us time to organise a nice tribute to his life a few weeks later.
Your photo of the crow is stunning. I have just read that crows often post a sentinel while feeding.

Reply
Freda
18/3/2018 02:53:31 pm

You have reminded me Grace that my mother expressed a wish to donate her body to science but since she only mentioned it to me apparently when I brought the subject up after her death no-one could quite deal with the idea and it didn't happen. All the more reason to talk it seems to me, or at least write down your wishes.
That is nice about the crow!

Reply
Lotta
18/3/2018 07:28:00 am

It sounds perfect for you all Freda - thank you for sharing it. A beautiful 'closing ceremony'. I love that there are so many different options now... and some inexpensive too, like a 'green' burial ground near me which is set in a beautiful orchard grazed by sheep and any type of funeral can be arranged there, even diy... A friend has made his own coffin out of pallets in readiness! I hope that's not too light-hearted to have mentioned, but it is true, and he feels very happy about it. :-)

Reply
Freda
18/3/2018 02:55:54 pm

Some more lightheartedness around the subject is welcomed by me Lotta. I was surprised to find out how expensive a willow coffin was compared to a standard one....It is good that there are so many options.

Reply
Cristiana
18/3/2018 09:58:39 am

Your description of Barry's ceremony is beautiful, full of meaning. My memories of past funerals are quite empty of meaning, full with only sorrow. It's a shame that it is that way and very good to note that we can change that, for ourselves and for our loved ones. As Grace puts it, a funeral should be a celebration of one's life.Thank you so much for sharing.

Reply
Freda
18/3/2018 02:56:54 pm

Difficult to write about, but also healing Cristiana.

Reply



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    All words and images copyright Freda Waldapfel 2010 - 2020

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