Simply..passionate....

14/5/2018

I asked some questions in this p ost and was most interested in your answers...

I think perhaps passion is in large part commitment, and hope that by choosing to commit I can revive the passion and enthusiasm I once felt for most things I did (teaching, patchwork and quilting, gardening and landscape design, painting..).

I am working madly in the garden having agreed to opening it for charity in a moment of nostalgia for the fun Barry and I had doing this over a number of years.

On my own it just felt like hard work.

Remembering that old 'act as if' adage, I wondered if I acted as if I was still passionate about it - that is if I did the things I did when I was passionate about it - gave it my full attention, did the research, sowed the seeds, made the decisions, tried different plant combinations, really loved and looked after the plants, put in the hours....would the passion return?

Bereavement it seems to me, takes away the extra energy, the surplus of energy a person needs to feel these feelings of enthusiasm.

I pay for help with grass and hedge cutting (must sell more paintings), Jennie helps me plan and divide and plant, friends offer help and I accept gladly and slowly, slowly my interest and pleasure in it are returning.

Watch this space.

I am watching the dawn again! I was so tired from gardening I went to bed really early and here I am at 5am on what looks like being another good day....

Dawn light.

16 Comments

Liz

14/5/2018 01:11:49 am

Sooooo....I’m going to nag you to get a copy of Allan Jenkins Morning Manifesto. While you’re at it get his Plot 29 about how gardening ,and his allotment help him come to terms with a difficult childhood and the death of his brother. You’ll thank me!

Freda

14/5/2018 01:42:41 am

I've read Plot 29 but not Morning Manifesto (you know I am a night-owl really!).

Linda

14/5/2018 01:29:41 am

Well, it certainly looks like you are getting there! How long before your open day?

Freda

14/5/2018 01:41:28 am

5 weeks and 5 days Linda.

Susan

14/5/2018 02:30:05 am

Now that you're set to do the Open Gardens, whether or not your passion for the gardening returns as it was, you'll be offering a joyful, inspiring and sociable experience to the many people visiting on this occasion.
However, it doesn't oblige you to continue in the same way, with the gardening in the future. You have tested it and you will find out how you feel. Maybe your passion will arise in a different direction.

Freda

14/5/2018 10:31:06 pm

I will find out....and enjoy the event itself, then see. Thank you Susan.

cath

14/5/2018 07:25:08 am

´Bereavement it seems to me, takes away the extra energy, the surplus of energy a person needs to feel these feelings of enthusiasm.´

These words ring in my mind all morning. I so much connect. Loss comes in many guises. Grieving comes without timetable or map.

I do know passion. I am reminded of my passion whenever there is a poignant sense of longing. I don´t know what my future holds. Maybe one day the surplus energy needed to rekindle that passion will be available to me again. Or maybe one day I will sense a new passion awakening, different from before yet in harmony.

Freda

14/5/2018 10:33:43 pm

You make such a good case for being in the now, and for acceptance Cath. Thank you so much.

Gail

14/5/2018 07:35:54 am

What you and Cathryn each wrote touched a deep spot in me

Freda

14/5/2018 10:34:43 pm

Thank you for sharing and for commenting Gail. I am so touched by the wonderful conversations here.

Mary

14/5/2018 08:32:18 am

Not having known Barry, but from everything I have read these past years, I would imagine his shared passion was part of almost everything you did and it was that connection that made gardening (and many other things) such a joyful experience. Over these past two years, you have been (and will continue) coming to terms with each of your passions as an individual experience; one where you must decide if your passion is enough, or perhaps if the shared passion of Jennie and other helpers can keep you going (as you seem to indicate). Maybe this year will be a time for deciding on a new direction for the garden (and your other gifts) in the future --one that doesn't require so much effort on your part but is nonetheless still fulfilling.

Lastly, think of all that transpired in April. A great deal of passion found in those 30 days. xo

Freda

14/5/2018 10:41:19 pm

That connection, that sharing with a soul-mate - I was lucky to have it and life without it is very different. (You would have liked Barry Mary. Everyone did.) All the commenters here are my helpers too!
This year will be interesting and you are so right about April...thank you for your thoughtfulness.

Lotta link

14/5/2018 01:29:11 pm

I think passion is bigger than us, not something our minds have any control over, other than to allow it when it arises. I can summon enthusiasm, but I am a vessel for passion. My experience is that wanting it gets in the way of allowing it, if that makes sense. Passion (new or old) tends to emerge in me when there is space without agenda.
I'm glad pleasure is returning in the garden Freda. Maybe you are tending to grief as you tend to the garden, and as it flourishes, new passions will flourish in you too. And perhaps watching the dawn will be one of them!

Freda

14/5/2018 10:43:53 pm

'I can summon enthusiasm but I am a vessel for passion'. You are also very wise Lotta, and kind to share your thoughts. Thank you so much.

Lucille link

15/5/2018 01:06:54 am

People are expressing themselves so well I'm finding it hard to add, but for myself I think that validation from another close person is so bound up with our pleasure in doing things at all, that it is making that leap into doing something by and for our selves that is so hard. Enthusiasm is infectious. Yours, despite your bereavement reaches out of the screen and who knows how many people you are galvanising even if they can't visit in person.

Freda

15/5/2018 07:39:31 am

It is hard. That sharing and validation - you're right on the mark Lucille.
(I love that I can share here too.) Thank you for your encouragement.

Simply..passionate....

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