JUST GET IT DONE week.

I'm a great fan of the baby steps approach and treating myself gently, but I am also a procrastinator (first class) and there are things which I ought to do....or I should say ought to have done days, weeks, even years ago! They nag at me, sometimes barely a whisper, sometims very loudly and still I put them off.

I loved my sister's story of cleaning every inch of her vacuum cleaner rather than sit down and write the almost overdue essay.  Maybe it runs in the family I am thinking now as I write this blog post rather than make the tricky phone call.  A fine excuse!

Time for a more radical approach I thought, when I browsed a book called Hell Week in Waterstones bookstore. I could hear Wim Hof's voice saying Give it all you've got! (I'd love to know if any of you tried his breathing method and found it useful. I do it every morning now and it has been instrumental in giving me the energy to do JGID week.) I also watched the Wimbledon finals and marvelled at the discipline and commitment of the players. Other voices chimed in. Face It Life Is Hard! When The Going Gets Tough The Tough Get Going! You Can Do This! Feel The Fear And Look It In The Eye!

I'm half way through and it is hard. I am pushing myself.  I have got a lot done (and feel as if I have spent hours navigating poorly designed websites and listening to 'Your call is very important to us, please hold....') I am determined. It's only a week after all. And the reward will be the freedom from that nagging voice and a day out without it's presence. (Edinburgh I think..)

A variant on my title - J*DI.  jUST (insert the first letter of your preferred expletive!) DO IT.

Are you one of those people who just do it without the carrots and sticks that some of us need?


On a gentler note here is a piece about wild flowers in public spaces here in uk (though I think Lady Bird johnson campaigned for such approaches on US highways many decades ago).

..hard to say. But so present in all our lives.

Grief and grieving. Books have been written. I've read a few. Counselling is probably available. I've not done that.

I'm sharing here because this is something which is so present in my life. The pretty side of things I mostly show here is a way of balancing the grief and reminding myself that so much is still good and beautiful in my life.  Death affects all of us and I think resilience and coping strategies could be talked about more. (The balance between privacy and public sharing is another kind of a balancing act that I think about a lot!)

For me now most ordinary days are fine. I have a lovely life: family, friends, home and garden,  many interests and much to be grateful for. It's the extremes that floor me. The unexpected good news, the beautiful evening, a wonderful piece of music. When I got the good news about my eyes a little while ago I found myself standing in the middle of the garden next day  with sudden tears just streaming down my face. When I got the news of a friend's serous illness I just wanted to lean against Barry. No words would be needed.

Things which helped? Reading about a bereaved child child who said 'Tears let the sad out'. The comment (from a reader here - (thank you Damsonlily) that you don't get over loss, but learn to live alongside it, and a neighbour told me that the spaces between the hardest times would get longer - she was right. The kindness of my blog friends has been a marvel.

I got very very curious about how my body could produce so many tears,,,,

It's no-one's favourite subject, and I mention it but rarely, but if you would like to share what you found helpful after a bereavement I, and many others, would be both touched and grateful.


Next post..JGID Week.

It's hard isn't it to find balance in life.
Between
work and rest
order and chaos
calm and excitement
enough and too much
outer and inner worlds
fun and responsibility
striving and just being
grieving and 'moving on'

Crown Solo Scooter Red does the job!

The pretty bits....

I hope you have had some pretty bits in your day.

..of Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules For Life is

Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.

The reason being that other people will also dislike them and their life will be harder because of it.

The vital process of socialization prevents much harm and fosters much good.

Poorly socialized children have terrible lives.

As a clinical psychologist Peterson has seen the sometimes heartbreaking effects of poor parenting and says that children are damaged when those charged with their care , afraid of any conflict or upset, no longer dare to correct them and leave them without guidance.....such children are chronically ignored by their peers.

From Rousseau to Skinner, Jane Goodall, Disney's Sleeping Beauty and Lord of the Flies, Peterson covers a lot of ground and stresses just how difficult and challenging a task parenting is. I like the final paragraph of this chapter where he describes a well socialized and thriving child. There are no greater gifts that a committed and courageous parent can bestow.

As ever, thought provoking!

A 'Country Living' moment today. Too warm at 25 degrees to do anything much but drink more wine and eat more ice cream than I am used to. But, it's due to change tomorrow and dare I say it, I'm quite glad!

I'm not great in the heat - even our modest temperatures - and although it is pleasant to do very little for a day or two, there are things I want to do.

I know some of you are experiencing temperatures much higher - any tips on how to cope?

William Maxwell is my new favourite author, and I am working my way through everything he has written!

Reading his novels is like being in an Edward Hopper painting, listening to Henry James  perhaps, with Gregory Peck in To Kill A Mocking Bird as the main character.

I started with The Chateau. A story about a happy couple a freind said and I thought Oh I could do with that - a happy story, and I knew I was going to France so I was extra interested. I read it slowly to savour the beautiful writing. it was a happy read I am glad to say.

They Came Like Swallows is told from three points of view. Insightful and tender with characters who are totally credible. Maybe the one to start with to see if you like this author.

Be warned that So Long, See You Tomorrow is perhaps the saddest book I have ever read.

Have you discovered any new-to-you authors whose works look like becoming new favourites?

I was conditioning the lilacs by crushing their stems so that they can take up water - they are from the garden, from a tree which we cut to the ground years ago because it was spindly and sad looking. They are scenting the whole room.

I was thinking too of my childhood conditioning. Buying myself flowers is one of the ways I treat myself well. Growing up in a poor part of a big city I remember that we could not buy the first flowers (daffodils) that came into the local fruit and vegetable shop because they were too expensive. We had to wait until the price went down. It was the same with strawberries. So flowers were an extravagance.

Perhaps an advantage of growing up relatively poor is that you never take the non-essentials for granted. I still get a thrill when I buy flowers and get a huge thrill from growing and picking them. If I buy myself an expensive bunch I almost feel a bit rebellious! Kind of defiant. If I am hesitating over them - and I usually am - I find that asking myself 'Whyever not?' allows me to go ahead, as I have not yet come up with a good reason why I should not have them  I never regret it.....crazy really!

There's a lot going on emotionally in the simple act of buying a bunch of flowers and of treating myself well.

Does something from your childhood stop you from treating yourself well?

..that we will simply stop flying for holidays or to the other side of the world to see our families, or just stop centrally heating our homes if we live in a cold climate, or cooling them if we live in a hot one, or give up driving cars - and having one each, or abandon other modern luxuries that most of us take for granted and many of us imagine are actually rights. You just need to observe how an eco-tax can lead to riots in the streets...

Carrots, not sticks? Incentives, improvements, new inventions, efficiencies, information, optimism?

Less likely to lead to hopelessness, depression or civil unrest - or so I like to think..

I know It is anything but simple.

And that ways must be found.

Out of the red gate and down Barry's path.

The air fs filled with the wonderful scent from the leaf buds of the Balsam Poplar (far right) about 50 mtrs away

as I walked to our spot on the shore.

A short blog break coming up...I hope you have a spring in your step no matter what season you are in!

Well, maybe not all, but I do love making plans and having projects. It's another thing which makes me feel alive.

I like the research, the decision making, the anticipation and finally (though they don't always come to fruition) the execution.

I currently have garden plans, fitness plans, travel plans and  a wardrobe update plan is slowly taking shape....

Even a plan for the morning or the next hour helps shape my time and my thoughts, and gives me a sense of purpose.

When I go to the city I am doing diligent research to find a substitute for my favourite restaurant which has closed down.  Carluccio's was ideal for me when I was travelling. positioned between the bus station and the railway station, on a level, roomy and table service - all helpful  when you have luggage, the food was good with regular small changes to the menu to keep it interesting, the staff were always friendly (I wonder if they all found new jobs) and the street was in view so you could watch the world go by. They also sold a good range of italian foods which made great gifts if I was going to stay with someone. And they never made me feel hurried. Perfect in other words!

So far, and several mediocre and one very bad meal later, I have not found a good alternative.

Zizzi was good yesterday (belated Mother's Day meal with my daughter - best salted caramel ice cream!) but this branch is out of the centre of the city in Ashton Lane in the West End.

If you have any recommendations I'd be glad to hear of them....

So, that plans do you have that are making you feel alive?

And if you haven't got any can you make one?

Even a little one?

Mothers' Day, sunshine and changing the clocks forward here in UK.

I hope you had a happy day too.

:-)

.
Opening all the windows in the morning makes me feel more alive.

If it's cold or wet it may just be for a few moments.

On really hot summer days (we do get them occasionally!) the doors may stay open too.

I love that.

(Taking photographs for the blog makes me feel alive!)


What makes you feel alive in the morning?

Make Friends With iPeople Who Want The Best For You.

I am so lucky in this regard! I am surrounded by people who want the best for me, as I want the best for them.

This chapter in Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules For Life is partly autobiographical. Under headings such as The Old Hometown, My Friend Chris and His Cousin and Teenage Wasteland he lists the many heartbreaking reasons why some  people become hopeless, helpless  delinquent or even suicidal. He also lists - and this is as hard to hear - the reasons why we can't neccesarily help them until or unless they truly want help (which can be hard to judge). Under Rescuing The Damned he suggests our reasons for wanting to help may not always be virtuous.

  How dare I cast aspertions on the motives of those who are trying to help?' he says. But he does dare, and I am glad he does. It's what makes him interesting to read. He challenges a lot of our assumptions!

If you have a friend whose friendship you wouldn't recommend to your sister, or your father, or your son, why would you have such a friendship for yourself?

Friendship is a reciprocal arrangement. You are not morally obliged to help someone who is making the world a worse place.

I wonder if you have enough friends who support you, if maybe you can 'carry' one or two who take a lot more than they can give, but not, if as sometimes happens, they want to pull you down with them. Of course I am considering people who are not at the extremes of hopelessness and despair. As a clinical psychologist Peterson has long experience with those who are.

Have some humility. Use your judgement, and protect yourself from too-uncritical compassion and pity.

Self care?

If you want food for thought this book will certainly provide it, and with references from Dostoevsky to The Bible to The Simpsons it can be entertaining too.

What do you think of rule three?

 I forgot to be enchanted the other day! Imagine that. (Enchantment is my word for 2019.)

As I stood next to the Golden Gates in the Botanic Gardens my mind was on the controversy over the cost of the restoration, the fact that it was too dark to get a good photograph, and how some of the gilding was (already?) coming off. Questions over the ethics of how Duncan made his money lurked uncharitably in the back of my mind.  It was only after I got home that I began to think of the story of their making and about the incongruity of the setting as rather a romantic idea.

They were commissioned by merchant, philanthropist and art collector James Duncan, who unusually for the time the guidebook tells me, opened his art collection to the public. The wrought iron gates were made in Berlin and exhibited at the Paris Exhibition of 1878, as were some of his large  art collection which included work by Caravaggio, Corot, Boudin, Rousseau, Renoir and the Impressionists.

I wonder what gave him the idea. The place is quite remote, the landscape dramatic and somewhat bleak in an Arthur Rackham kind of a way. (Duncan also had a house in London.) The telephone had just been patented, the phonograph invented and electric street lighting was being installed in London.  The Bicycle Touring Club was established in England. It was the time of Ruskin and Ibsen, Zola, Brahms, Tchaikovsky and Saint-Saens,

Apart from the obvious status of golden gates in the wild wood I wonder if there was also a touch of fantasy, whimsy and romance about the decision to have them made and installed. Benmore House itself has something of the fairy tale about it with turrets and pinnacles..

Next time I visit I will look with a less jaundiced view! I was after all supposed to be out to enjoy myself...

Have you tried a final rinse in cold water when you wash your hair?

That really makes me feel alive!

I am so touched and encouraged by your kind comments yesterday I think I'll take aim for ten years!

These Golden Gates are at Benmore Botanic Gardens where we managed a short walk today between heavy showers and cold gusts of wind. They were exhibited at the Paris exhibition of 1878. It must have been a magical experience to drive through the forest and the wild landscape in a horse and carriage and arrive via this entrance to Benmore House.

The ninth anniversary of Live Simply Simply Live.

Looking back I see I have only remembered it twice before! (Here and here.)
How remiss of me.

I had lots of ideas for an anniversary post, but came down to this - a focus on the Simply Live part of the title. I am asking myself some questions....

When do I feel most alive?

What makes me feel fully alive?

When did I last feel like this?  -

And I am drinking a toast tonight to everyone who reads this blog and makes it one of the favourite things in my life.

To you with love. x

I've had summer, spring and winter, in that order over the last three weeks.

A hearty lunch on the porch today (am eating up the mystery packages in the freezer!). The sun was hot on my face and I didn't need the big scarf and used it as a cushion. The spinach blew away in a sudden cold gust of wind.

I took these to show you just how really tiny the book is....

I filled the first page with kisses. :-)

I am reading one chapter a month of Jordan Peterson's best selling book 12 Rules for Life (see previous posts here and here).

Peterson has become a controversial figure but I am ignoring the media hysteria and the political name-calling and focussing only on what he has to say in the book, which intrigues me as his rules are somewhat unusual!

I considered Rule One was a reasonable rule to follow, but what about Rule Two - Treat yourself as you would treat someone you were responsible for helping?

It seems we are likely to look after our pets more carefully than we look after ourselves and Peterson asks why this should be so. Chapter Two is long and interesting, and I read it several times (cutting out the pages to save weight and take them with me to New Zealand). He looks to our conditioning by some of the oldest stories - original sin and other stories from the bible which has after all provided the best known 10 Rules for Life in the Christian world for a very  long time  - to try to understand why we should feel so unworthy of proper self care, (sinners that we all are!). I am interested  too in the way he describes navigating a path between order and chaos in our lives as the way to give them meaning. We value ourselves more if our lives have meaning he says. He also says we each have the spark of the divine in us. 'So, we may not exactly be God, but we're not nothing either' .

I think self-care is often looked on as selfish. I am not talking about pampering and indulgent treats here, I am talking about serious mental and physical health issues (we all know which are ours).  I grew up with the idea that truly good people put themselves last, but not to care for ourselves is selfish if it increases the likelihood of others having to look after us - partners, family or the state - a burden I wouldn't want to impose. I may not be able to avoid that, but I am able to reduce the chance of it by taking responsibility for my own health and wellbeing - a lovely project I have decided!

So, yes, I am happy to adopt Rule Two.

The title of Chapter Two  Why Don't You Just Take Your Damn Pills made me laugh out loud. The man does I think have a sense of humour.

Do you think this 'rule' is useful guidance on how to live your life?

A longer than usual blog break in order to 'simply live'!

I've been writing Live Simply Simply Live daily apart from short breaks of a couple of days or a week for almost nine years now, but as February - my writing month - approaches I am planning a longer break of a month.

I do hope you will still be here when I return................... :-)

 ..the only reality.  I have to remind myself of this when I start thinking, as I did yesterday, What does it matter what colour my kitchen is when the world is going to hell in a  handcart?

I like to think I am politically aware and reasonably well informed, but my job is also to stay sane and I don't need an hourly, or even daily, update on shutdowns and exits. I need a part of my life where I have some control and that is in my own head, and in my own home, where I can create a clear, efficient, healthy and beautiful functioning environment as an antidote to all the madness, if only to prove that I can run my life and home better than some governments can run their countries!

From a calm functioning place I can better decide how to manage the input from the outer world. I can decide how to vote when the opportunity arises, whether to get more involved and campaign for what I believe in, or I can decide how I might support victims of the political fallout....

The way I see it someone's got to stay sane, and it might as well be me. :-)

Enjoy this thoughtful article by Hans Rosling if you have not read it already. I especially like what he says about understanding as a source of mental peace.  Perhaps finding mental peace needn't mean disengaging from the outer world (tempting) but listening intelligently, and learning.

And adding some joyful colour to my kitchen.

I am happy to adopt Jordan Peterson's Rule One Stand Up Straight With Your Shoulders Back (See yesterday's post)

I do indeed feel stronger and happier when I do (I pretend I am the lovely Darcey Bussell), and also find people respond more positively towards me when I do. More serotonin apparently! And a great deal to do with hierarchies in all species including humans, status and society, territory, conflict and dominance and the brutal principle of unequal distribution...there is a lot in Chapter One.

(Rule Two is Treat Yourself Like Someone You Are Responsible For Helping - will read this chapter in February.)

I heard Scottish Opera emerging artists in a concert at the Unversity of Glasgow today - wonderful, and I also loved the transformation of what I usually find to be a gloomy part of the building...

Food for thought aplenty In Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules For Life!

Have you come across him yet?

I am reading one chapter a month this year (not a light read) and the first rule Stand Up Straight With Your Shoulders Back reminds me very much of this.

More - lots and lots more - here.

Meanwhile new leaves sprout on the honeysuckle all along the fence. Nice.